"If you're not scared, you're not taking a chance...

A Virginian graduate school had offered me a very nice financial deal: along with my Master's classes, a job that would cover half of my tuition the first year, with the potential of a promotion the second year that would cover my tuition for that year and leave some money left over.  I was looking at a secured 50% off tuition, with the possibility of 75%.  I had the opportunity to go to a good psychology Master's program in my home state, a few hours drive from my home town, with what seemed like a lovely staff based on the half hour phone conversation I had with one of the faculty.  Probably the nicest phone call with a complete stranger I've ever had, if not the longest.

Beyond this offer, I had received a lot of "No, thank you"s.  Three, exactly, with a fourth to come long after I had made a decision.  All from some good schools, a couple of which I had at different points in my undergrad career envisioned myself attending.  But like my quirky 4 year-old self, they politely told me "Not now, maybe later."

But there was another "yes", a "yes" I'm not entirely sure I was expecting.  This "yes" came from the West Coast, which is probably why I received my acceptance e-mail before my acceptance letter.  I was very excited when I read the e-mail title: "Welcome!" When I opened the e-mail it read like this:

"Congratulations...(etc. etc.)...Thank you for your application...(etc. etc.)...Unfortunately-"

Wait. "Unfortunately"? "Unfortunately" is a term only used to reject someone in the nicest way possible (read: the least fault-accepting possible). You are technically blaming this negative outcome on "fortune" or bad luck.  Unless their was a coin flip in this decision making process, I highly doubted that. More importantly, I was curious at the seemingly contradicting e-mail.

"...we are unable to offer you a place in our Doctorate program at this time.  However..."

"However". That saving grace, "however".  Turns out they did, however, accept me into their Master's program.  I was, well, ecstatic.  This program was very unique, unlike any of the others for which I had applied.  I would be studying something only offered at two universities in the country with some of the lead researchers and published professors in the field.

But the tuition was almost four times that of the other offer, a vast majority of which I'd have to take out in loans.
But I wasn't even 100% sure what I wanted to do with this degree, let alone what would be available for me.
But it was 3,000 miles away from 99% of the people, places, and things I knew backwards and forwards.

The second I got that e-mail, I knew what I wanted.  I just wasn't sure what I needed.  

Say, for a moment, you needed a quadruped*. Particularly of the horse variety.  You are given an option of a beautiful, young, half-off Palomino (was never much of a horse girl as a kid, but if I had the money to get one now, it would be a Palomino).  This Palomino comes from good breeders who know the horse's lineage - you even know of a few people who have bought a Palomino from these breeders and they've been very, very happy.

And then someone offers you a Zebra.

Sure, the Zebra's, well, a freaking Zebra! Technically it fits the whole quadruped qualification while quadrupling the unique factor.  No one else you know has ever had a Zebra, which makes you both intrigued and anxious.  The Zebra is of course more pricey (it's has to come a lot farther than the Palomino).  You also have no idea what to do with or how to take care of a Zebra, but hey, that's what resources like zookeepers, biologists, and the Internet are for, right? Some people in your life will think you are a bit eccentric for riding a Zebra around town; but you'll also find some people who think it's downright awesome and maybe even want to give you a high-five (which you'll give them, bending down slightly from atop your Zebra).

You've wanted a Palomino for a few years now...but you never even thought it was possible to own a Zebra**.  What do you do?

I ended up accepting the West Coast offer.  And while I was so excited about all the positives, the "but"s still made me anxious.  What if I can't manage my loans?  What if I can't succeed in these courses? What if I'm unable to land a job that pertains to this degree, financially makes up for this degree, and overall makes me feel fulfilled?

What sold me was thinking what would I wonder five years from now? Would I wonder what would've happened if I went to that Virginian university?  Probably not.  But I sure as hell would wonder what would've happened if I have been just crazy enough to move to California and study what inspired me.

If there's one important thing you need to know about this blogger, it's that I adore the show How I Met Your Mother.  I stumbled upon it in its first season and have watched it since (you always seem to love the shows/movies/music you found yourself more than the ones people show you). And there's something Ted, the often-desperate, but funny, hopeless romantic in the show said once that I liked.

"I mean, if you're not scared, you're not taking a chance. And if you're not taking a chance, then, what the hell are you doing?"

Last fall I went skydiving for the first time and, somehow, that was less scary to me than the idea of attending a grad school no one I had ever met had attended (most had never heard of) and moving to California.  I guess because if messed up this leap, I'd have to actually live with the consequences.

But seriously...who doesn't want a zebra?


*When I looked up Quadrupedalism on Wikipedia to double-check my spelling, their featured picture was of a zebra, when I had already decide to use that as my metaphor. Strange.
**Since I put it out there, I felt obligated to see if it was possible to own a Zebra.  You in fact can get a Plains Zebra for $3k-$7k, but there are a couple years of hoops to jump through and you kind of have to buy more than one.  If you want one quicker, move to Wisconsin or West Virginia. More information on Zebra ownership in this article: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2010/08/can_you_keep_a_zebra_as_a_pet.html